Learning to let go of Perfectionism and People-Pleasing: How counselling can help
- The Counselling Cove
- Nov 5
- 2 min read
Perfectionism and people-pleasing are two of the biggest drains on our wellbeing and energy reserves. People rarely come to me specifically seeking perfectionism counselling, but it's not uncommon that it emerges as a quiet, persistent theme once we begin talking.
No one can judge us quite as harshly as we judge ourselves. In conversations about anxiety, burnout, or work–life balance, it’s common to notice how high our expectations have become - and how automatic that inner pressure can feel. Many people find themselves asking:
Why am I so tough on myself?
Why do I put others’ needs ahead of my own?
Why do I keep giving more than I leave for myself?
When we start to give voice to these questions, something shifts. We begin to invite self-compassion into the room. We start to recognise our limits not as flaws, but as part of being human.
For some, this means noticing how the drive to be the “perfect” parent, partner, colleague, or friend has crept into everyday life. For others, it’s realising how much energy is spent trying to meet unspoken standards - those we set for ourselves or those we’ve absorbed from others. Over time, this can leave us feeling depleted, anxious, or like we’re never quite enough, no matter how hard we try.
A lot of counselling work around perfectionism and people-pleasing is about helping you reconnect with your authentic voice - the one that’s often buried beneath the noise of expectations. Together, we begin to gently untangle what belongs to you, and what was learned from early messages about worth, success, or approval.
In sessions, some of the ways we explore this include:
Imagining your own dreams - not the ones shaped by what you “should” want, but what truly matters to you.
Reflecting on the wins you’ve already achieved, rather than moving the goalposts further away.
Learning to set and hold boundaries in a way that feels respectful, not rigid.
Practising self-compassion when that critical voice pipes up.
Building trust in your own voice and choices - one small step at a time.
Over time, people often describe a sense of lightness - as if they can finally exhale. They start to live with more ease, more authenticity, and more room to simply be.
If you notice perfectionism, self-criticism, or people-pleasing taking a toll on your wellbeing, counselling can offer a safe space to explore these patterns with kindness and curiosity. Sometimes counselling helps us realise that we don’t need to “fix” ourselves - the first step is simply getting to know who we truly are.
If you’d like support, you're warmly invited to reach out. I offer counselling in-person in Caringbah in Sydney's Sutherland Shire, Walk & Talk Therapy in southern Sydney, and online counselling Australia wide. Feel free to book in for a free initial chat to see if counselling feels right for you.
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