Parenting Loneliness: The quiet struggle few talk about
- The Counselling Cove
- Aug 1
- 4 min read
It’s 3 pm, and the house is buzzing with little voices. Your toddler is crying over the wrong colour cup, your older child is asking for a snack, and your coffee is stone cold. Your phone lights up with a group chat you haven’t replied to in weeks. And in that moment, it hits you: I can’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with an adult.
Loneliness is a deeply human experience - and paradoxically, in a world that’s more connected than ever, so many of us feel disconnected. One of the most common uses of AI right now? Simply, conversation. It speaks to how deeply we crave being seen, heard, and understood.
We tend to associate loneliness with teenagers trying to find their place in the world, or with older adults living alone. But there’s another group quietly carrying the weight of disconnection: parents.
In fact, research shows that around one-third of parents experience chronic loneliness.
“Aren’t parents too busy to be lonely?”
It’s an easy assumption. Parents are constantly surrounded by little people who need them, love them, and follow them everywhere - yes, even to the toilet.
But many parents I work with describe a deep sense of disconnection, even though they’re rarely physically alone.
Between nappy changes, school drop-offs, and bedtime negotiations, messages go unanswered. Social plans are postponed - again. Even a shower without interruption can feel like a luxury.
The “village” we’re told will raise our children?
For many parents, it quietly disappears.
I’ve supported countless women and parents who once thrived in busy, social workplaces - only to step into full-time parenting and find their address book growing painfully quiet. Alongside the joy of raising children can come an unexpected kind of grief: the loss of spontaneity, identity, freedom, and meaningful adult connection.
Why loving your kids doesn’t stop the loneliness
We often hear that kids should fill our world - but they can’t meet every need.
Parents need adult connection: the kind where you can laugh, vent, or cry without interruption.
Parenting can quietly change who you are. The things that once defined you - hobbies, friendships, spontaneous plans - often get pushed aside for routines and care.
This isn’t just losing friends; it’s sometimes losing yourself.
Some parents find support in mother’s groups, playdates, or local activities - a lifeline for many. But for others, these spaces can feel awkward or just not quite right. And that’s okay. Finding “your people” takes time, trial, and patience.
Even surrounded by people, it’s possible to feel alone - because loneliness isn’t about being near others, it’s about feeling truly connected.
The quiet reasons parenting feels lonely
Parenthood is beautiful, but it’s also far harder and more isolating than many expect. Some reasons this season can feel lonely include:
The reality vs. expectation gap – Parenting often feels messier and more overwhelming than imagined.
Social disruption – Parental leave can cut you off from workplace friendships and routines.
Feeling “stuck” – Stay-at-home parents may struggle to get out and engage socially.
Shifting friendships – Friends without kids may drift or struggle to relate to your new life stage.
Surface-level catch-ups – Conversations over snot and snacks can feel worlds away from the deep talks you crave.
Loneliness in the presence of others – Even with a partner or children nearby, feeling unseen or unsupported is painful.
Fear of judgement – Sharing struggles can feel risky if you fear being criticised or dismissed.
Couple disconnect – When one parent feels they’re carrying the load or that their partner “just doesn’t get it.”
The dominant cultural narrative - especially around motherhood - is full of serene, glowing images. But for many parents, life feels messy, hard, and lonely. And when your reality doesn’t match the picture-perfect version, it can feel like you’re the only one not doing it right.
How counselling can help
Counselling offers a safe space to:
Unpack the complex emotions around this life transition
Explore the grief of losing aspects of your old identity and freedom
Process the “unsayable” feelings — the ones you fear might sound selfish or ungrateful
Reconnect with yourself — your values, your needs, your sense of self
Build strategies for self-care, confidence, and meaningful social connection
Identify practical supports to help you feel less alone
If any of this resonates, please know: you aren't alone in this. As a counsellor - and as a mother - I’ll be nodding right along with you, because I’ve lived it, I’ve witnessed it, and I get it. A special interest of mine is supporting women navigating the challenges of parenthood, identity shifts, and the emotional weight of this season.
If you’d like a supportive space to explore these feelings and reconnect with yourself, I’d love to walk alongside you.
You can learn more on my Parenting Support page, or see the different options for counselling below.
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