Types of Grief you might not know about (And yes, they matter)
- The Counselling Cove
- Jul 12
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 24
Sometimes, we’re carrying something heavy - and we’re not even sure why it feels so hard.
We start telling ourselves:
“Surely this shouldn’t be affecting me this much.”
“I should be coping better by now.”
“What’s wrong with me for feeling this way?”
If any of those thoughts have crossed your mind, you’re not alone. And more importantly - there’s nothing wrong with you.
In my work supporting people with a wide range of concerns, we often find that some of the heaviness sitting underneath what’s brought to counselling hasn’t been recognised for what it really is: unspoken grief.
When we’re able to name a loss, something often clicks into place. The weight that’s been carried starts to make sense.
And we begin to realise:
Maybe we weren’t overreacting.
Maybe we weren’t weak.
Maybe we were grieving.
Grief is more than Death — it's about Change and Loss
When I first studied grief and loss in my postgraduate training, we were asked to map out our own grief timelines. Most of us started with our clear understanding of grief: the deaths of grandparents, pets, family members, and other loved ones.
But as we dug deeper, we began to name other losses we’d never thought to include:
Moving away from a home or community we loved
A job that didn’t turn out the way we hoped
A friendship that quietly faded or ended painfully
A partner who wasn’t able to show up the way we needed
A dream that never came to life
These things hurt. They change us. And they deserve to be grieved.
If you were to create your own loss timeline, perhaps you might find what I found - that it’s not about sitting in sadness, but about validating the hard things you’ve been through.
You might begin to see your own strength more clearly - all the ways you’ve kept going, adapted, survived.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll look at your story and realise: you are far more resilient, courageous, and incredible than you’ve ever given yourself credit for.
It’s okay if it feels heavy
We live in a world that often tells us to “move on,” to “stay positive,” or to be “grateful for what we have.” And while those messages might be well-meaning, they can make us feel like we’ve failed when we’re still hurting.
But here’s the truth: Struggling isn’t a flaw - it’s a reflection of something important.
In counselling, it’s not uncommon for relationship frustrations to slowly unravel into something deeper. What begins as conflict often reveals an aching grief: the quiet realisation that the person we needed wasn’t the person we had - or ever could have. This is especially true when it comes to trauma, particularly childhood trauma. Coming to terms with that can be profoundly painful. But naming that grief matters. It helps us begin to see things more clearly - not with blame, but with understanding. It gives us permission to soften toward ourselves. To make different choices. To begin healing.
Loss comes in many forms
This isn’t a complete list, but it might help you notice parts of your own story that haven’t been fully seen or validated:
Losses through death
The death of a partner, parent, child, sibling, friend, or pet
Miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion
Relationship losses
Divorce or separation
Estrangement from family
Unrequited love or betrayal
Emotional or physical infidelity
Loss of trust or closeness in a key relationship
Health and physical changes
Chronic illness, injury, or disability
Loss of fertility or reproductive ability
Mental health challenges
Changes in appearance or physical functioning
Life transitions and identity shifts
Moving (to a new city, country, or culture)
Aging and changing physical abilities
Retirement or loss of independence
Loss of cultural identity or connection
A childhood that lacked safety or nurture
Work and financial losses
Job loss or career disappointment
Burnout or disillusionment
Financial hardship or instability
Losses from external events
Natural disasters or war
Pandemic-related disruption or isolation
Loss of housing, safety, or community
Incarceration or loss of legal rights
Loss of meaning or direction
Letting go of a long-held dream
Loss of faith or spiritual identity
Disconnection from purpose or identity
You don't have to minimise what you've been through
Whatever you’ve lived through - whatever you’re still carrying - I want you to know this:
It makes sense that it’s felt heavy. You’re not broken. You’re grieving a loss.
And when we begin to name these quiet heartbreaks as real and valid, something powerful can happen. Shame loosens its grip. Self-compassion grows. And healing becomes possible.
If you were to lay out your own loss timeline, you might see it too - not just the pain, but the incredible strength it took to make it through. You might look at it all and say: “Of course it’s been hard - and yet... and yet, I’ve kept going anyway.”
If you're feeling the weight of something and need someone to sit with you in it, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here, and you’re always welcome to reach out.
Comments