Mother's Day isn't always what it's made out to be

It’s May - and that means Mother’s Day is nearly upon us once again. It's a day that stirs up mixed emotions. For some, it’s not a joyful celebration, but something painful or deeply uncomfortable - and yet it arrives each year, right on cue.

The intention behind the day is a beautiful one: to honour the life-giving force that is motherhood and to celebrate the women who have nurtured us.

And for many, that’s exactly what the day is about.

But for others, it’s much more complex.

For those with estranged, complicated, or painful relationships with their mothers, Mother’s Day can stir up difficult emotions. As social media fills with heartfelt tributes, hugs, and gratitude, it can amplify feelings of loneliness, hurt, or even resentment. Not every mother-child relationship fits the Hallmark ideal - and for some, being told to “give thanks” can reopen old wounds or trauma.

It can also be a heavy day for mothers who are separated from their children - whether due to estrangement, distance, or difficult family dynamics. The weight of regret, grief, or unresolved pain can feel even more intense on a day that highlights connection and closeness.

Then there are those who long to be mothers but haven’t been able to walk that path - whether due to infertility, pregnancy loss, or other heart-wrenching journeys. This day can feel like an aching reminder of someone deeply loved, or of a dream that remains out of reach.

Solo parents may also find Mother’s Day tough. Without the support of a co-parent or community, it can feel far from the breakfast-in-bed picture painted in ads. Instead, it might be a day marked by exhaustion, overwhelm, or a sense of invisibility.

And of course, for those grieving the loss of a mother - or a child - Mother’s Day can be one of the most painful days of the year.

For those feeling that pain this year, it’s worth remembering that you are not alone in this. Interestingly, if you look at the history of Mother’s Day, grief has been part of this day from the very beginning - as hard to remember as that is, given the current commercialisation of the day. The first official Mother’s Day in the U.S. was held in 1908 as a memorial service. Anna Jarvis created the day to honour her late mother - a woman who had spent her life caring for others. Before it became the modern version, filled with flowers and gifts, Mother’s Day initially began as a quiet moment of remembrance, reflection, and love for someone lost.

In my years working on crisis lines, I often made a point of being on shift during Mother’s Day. While social media was filled with filtered photos of brunches and bouquets, the phone lines would ring constantly. So many people were just trying to get through the day.

If you’re finding this Mother’s Day hard, please know you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid. The glossy surface we see online often hides a much more complicated and painful reality for many.

And for those who are celebrating - hold close the women who inspire, nurture, and uplift. Life moves fast, and those small, shared moments can be truly precious.

May we all hold a little space in our hearts for those for whom Mother’s Day doesn’t come easily.