How to move on after a breakup or divorce: Gentle steps for healing and hope
- The Counselling Cove
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
Whether it’s divorce, a marriage breakdown, or the breakup of a relationship you poured your heart into, saying goodbye to a partner can feel like one of the hardest experiences in life. It’s not “just a breakup.” It’s the loss of shared dreams, daily routines, and sometimes even a sense of who you are.
As a counsellor who sees clients for breakup and divorce counselling in the Sutherland Shire, I want you to know that if you've found yourself searching “how to move on after a breakup” or “healing after divorce” and feeling frustrated that it’s not a smooth or simple journey, you’re not alone. These questions are some of the most common people ask when heartbreak turns their world upside down. Moving on is possible, but it doesn’t happen in a straight line. Healing after loss - whether through death, divorce, or breakup -takes both time and gentle care.
Why breakups and divorce hurt so much
When a relationship ends, the pain can feel overwhelming - sometimes even physical. There’s a biological reason for this. Love and connection involve brain chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, which create feelings of closeness and reward. When that bond is broken, your brain and body go through withdrawal, leaving you feeling restless, anxious, or even physically unwell.
This is why heartbreak after a breakup or divorce is real grief. Just like other kinds of loss, it affects your mind, your body, and your heart.
How to move on after a breakup or divorce - Gentle steps toward healing
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula for moving on, but here are some gentle steps that can help:
Give yourself permission to grieve
Breakups are real losses, and it’s okay to treat them that way. Allow yourself to cry, to journal, to sit with your feelings. Suppressing emotions often only prolongs the pain. Grief is not a weakness - it’s a sign that you loved deeply. Giving yourself space to feel this authentically is part of healing.
Create daily rituals for self-care
Anchor yourself in small, grounding routines. This might be a morning walk, cooking nourishing meals, writing in a journal, surrounding yourself with good friends, or a mindfulness practice before bed. These rituals help bring a sense of steadiness in the midst of uncertainty. It is important that you care for you throughout this challenging time.
Notice what helps and what hurts
While grieving is natural and is encouraged, there are some things that can make the transition harder and lead to ruminations and cycles of feeling stuck. For example re-reading hurtful old messages or endlessly checking social media can keep wounds open. Gently creating digital boundaries that prioritise your wellbeing - like muting or unfollowing - can give your heart space to heal.
Rebuild your sense of self
This is an important one. Relationships often shape our identity. After a breakup or divorce, it can feel like you’ve lost part of yourself. Healing is an opportunity to rediscover who you are outside the relationship. Ask yourself: What brought me joy before this relationship? What have I always wanted to try? Even small steps - joining a class, revisiting an old hobby - can help you reconnect with yourself.
Lean on supportive people
Healing after heartbreak doesn’t have to be done alone. Safe, supportive friends and family can make a big difference. Counselling can also offer a non-judgmental space to process the grief, explore your feelings, and gently build hope for the future.
What to avoid after a breakup (if possible)
When you’re hurting, it’s natural to want quick relief. Some common coping strategies can feel like they help in the moment, but they can also make moving on harder in the long run:
Rushing into a new relationship before you’re ready. It can sometimes mask pain rather than heal it.
Numbing with alcohol, overwork, or endless scrolling. These may distract you temporarily but can leave you feeling emptier.
Replaying “what if” scenarios over and over. Reflection is healthy, but living in the “if onlys” can often keep you stuck.
If you notice yourself slipping into these patterns, try to be gentle and curious rather than critical. These urges are part of being human. With awareness and support, you can choose kinder ways forward.
Moving forward with hope
Healing after a breakup or divorce isn’t about choosing between grieving or moving on - it’s about allowing space for both to gently happen. Some days you might feel the full weight of sadness and loss and it may feel even impossible to get out of bed. Other days you may catch a glimpse of possibility in rebuilding your life - trying something new, reconnecting with friends, or simply noticing a moment of peace.
This back-and-forth is completely normal. In fact, in industry terms, it's even recognised with a name: the Dual Process Model. It basically means that processing a loss involves being thrown between grief and moving forward.
So if you feel like you’re zig-zagging instead of moving in a straight line, you’re not broken - you’re 100% human, and you’re healing. It’s part of how we process all kinds of loss. You don’t have to “get over it” in a straight line; healing often looks more like a dance between feeling the pain and slowly expanding your world again. Both are important, and both are signs of progress.
Sometimes, though, that pull between these two states can feel exhausting. This is where breakup and divorce counselling can be especially supportive. Having someone alongside you - to both honour the grief and also encourage gentle steps into new beginnings - can help make the process feel more manageable.
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your relationship. It means carrying forward what mattered, while making space for who you are becoming. Even after heartbreak, new chapters are possible - chapters where you feel grounded, hopeful, and more connected to yourself.
Support is here when you are ready
If you’re struggling to move on after a breakup or divorce, and you’re looking for compassionate breakup and divorce counselling in the Sutherland Shire, you don’t have to do it alone. Counselling offers a safe space to process your grief, explore the back-and-forth of healing, and slowly rediscover hope and possibility. Together, we can navigate both the ache of loss and the steps toward rebuilding - so you can move forward feeling more whole.
You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need a safe place to begin. 🌿
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