Understanding your Inner Critic: Why it shows up and how counselling can help
- The Counselling Cove
- Nov 7, 2025
- 3 min read
Most of us know that inner voice that says, “You should be doing more,” or “Why can’t you just get it right?” That’s your inner critic - the part that points out mistakes, compares you to others, and sets impossible standards.
While it can feel harsh, your inner critic often has a protective purpose. It might have developed to keep you safe from criticism or rejection - to help you fit in, achieve, or avoid failure. But over time, that protective voice can become relentless, leaving you anxious, stuck, or feeling like you’re never quite enough.
The Inner Critic and Perfectionism
The inner critic and perfectionism often go hand in hand. Perfectionism tells us that if we just work harder, please everyone, or get everything right, we’ll finally feel calm and confident. But instead of bringing relief, it often leads to exhaustion and self-doubt.
You might notice this cycle if you:
Struggle to rest, even when you need it.
Replay conversations or mistakes long after they’ve passed.
Feel guilty for slowing down or saying no.
Find it hard to celebrate your achievements.
Many people who come to counselling for perfectionism or anxiety describe this same pattern - the inner push to do more, to be more, to hold it all together.
Why the Inner Critic exists
It can help to remember that your inner critic isn’t the enemy - it’s a part of you that learned how to stay safe in the world. Maybe being “good,” careful, or capable once helped you feel loved or accepted. But as life changes, what once protected you can start to limit you.
When that critical voice takes over, it can drown out your softer, wiser parts - the ones that long for rest, ease, and self-trust.
How counselling can help
Counselling offers a gentle, supportive space to explore your relationship with the inner critic and understand where it came from. It’s not about silencing that voice completely, but about softening its edges and finding a kinder balance.
Together, we can:
Explore what your inner critic is trying to protect.
Learn how to create space between you and your thoughts.
Practise responding to yourself with understanding instead of pressure.
Approaches such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you notice thoughts without getting caught up in them - to see them as stories, not truths. Over time, many people notice greater calm, confidence, and self-trust.
Building a Kinder Inner Voice
You don’t have to completely silence your inner critic - just learn to relate to it differently. Small steps might include:
Noticing when it shows up.
Naming it - “Ah, that’s my inner critic again.”
Responding gently - “What would I say to a friend right now?”
Acknowledging effort - allowing yourself to feel proud, even briefly.
These small acts can gradually shift your relationship with yourself from harshness to care.
Counselling support in Sutherland Shire and southern Sydney
If self-criticism or perfectionism have been weighing you down, counselling can offer a safe and understanding place to unpack those patterns and begin shifting them with compassion. You deserve to move through life with a voice that supports rather than scolds you - one that reminds you that you are already enough. If you would like to explore this further, I offer counselling from my private practice in Caringbah, Sutherland Shire, through Walk & Talk Therapy across southern Sydney, or via Telehealth Australia-wide. Let this be the start of understanding your inner critic and reconnecting with a calmer and kinder sense of self.
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