The Importance of Being Seen in Grief

One of the most common struggles I hear from clients navigating grief is the profound disappointment and isolation they feel when those around them seem unable - or unwilling - to acknowledge their loss. Many describe the pain of feeling invisible in their grief, as though their sorrow exists in a space others prefer to avoid. Some share how friends and family, often with good intentions, try to steer them away from their pain - urging them to "move on" or "focus on something else" in an effort to bring relief. But while these responses may be meant to help, they often leave the bereaved feeling even more alone.

Grief does not diminish through avoidance. It does not fade simply because it is unspoken. Instead, when people feel they cannot openly share their pain - when they notice others withdrawing, physically or emotionally - it deepens their sense of loneliness. I have heard heartbreaking accounts of people watching familiar faces cross the street to avoid them after a loss, as though grief itself were too much to bear witness to. The unspoken message in these moments is devastating: Your pain is too heavy. I don’t know how to face it. But grief is not meant to be endured alone. Being forced into silence does not protect the grieving heart - it only makes the weight of loss more difficult to carry.

Robert A. Neimeyer Ph.D. has extensively studied grief and argues that mourning is not solely an internal process - it is deeply social. Grief is woven into our connections with others, and the process of healing is often tied to meaning-making: understanding what a loved one meant to us and how we continue forward in their absence. Research shows that when grief is witnessed, shared, and validated, it becomes more bearable. This is particularly true in losses that are often shrouded in silence, such as miscarriage or deaths by suicide, accident, or violence. When society fails to acknowledge these griefs, the bereaved can feel even more alone. Compare this to a loss that is openly recognised - where a loved one’s life is spoken of with warmth, memories are shared freely, and those grieving are surrounded by understanding. The emotional difference is profound.

I have experienced this contrast personally. After a significant loss in my life, I was fortunate to be surrounded by a close circle who, through our shared loss, instinctively gathered to grieve with me. We spoke of our loved one often, played their favourite music, and engaged in creative expressions of remembrance - painting, storytelling, and finding moments of laughter through tears. It was a sacred, healing experience. Yet when I stepped outside that space and spent time with others, the silence around my grief was deafening. Though they knew of my loss, no one acknowledged it. Out of kindness, they avoided the topic, fearful of making me “feel worse.” But instead of comfort, I felt an aching loneliness. I longed to be back with those who didn’t turn away from my grief but held it with me. To have limited people - or sometimes no one - willing to sit with you in your sorrow creates an isolating space that can feel unbearable.

Grief is deeply personal, but one truth remains: it needs to be seen. It needs space to be expressed, witnessed, and held by others. Feeling grief does not make it harder; what makes it unbearable is feeling like you have to endure it alone.

This understanding is what led me to work in the grief and loss space - both through my own practice, The Counselling Cove, and in collaboration with other organisations. For those who feel they have no one to hold space for their grief, counselling can offer support, helping them process their loss and find meaning within it. It is an honour to bear witness to the stories of love, connection, and profound relationships that are shared - stories woven between the tears.

But beyond professional support, there are many ways to honour and express grief in everyday life: sharing photos, telling stories, speaking of dreams in which the lost one appears, or finding spiritual significance in their memory. Some may cook a loved one’s favourite meal on an anniversary, participate in a memorial walk, or simply gather with those who also loved them. These rituals do not prolong pain - they lighten its weight by allowing love, connection, and remembrance to take form.

Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the purest evidence that love existed - that someone deeply mattered. So let yourself grieve. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember. There will be time for moving forward, but for now, allow yourself to be supported in your loss. Because in being seen, grief finds a path toward healing.