Grief Symptoms: How Grief Affects Your Mind and Body

4 days ago

6 min read

When we talk about grief, sadness is usually the first thing that comes to mind. Missing someone, feeling heartbroken, crying or struggling with their absence.

But through my work as a counsellor, I've come to appreciate just how many other ways grief can show up.

I've spoken with people who have been worried about their memory, puzzled by changes in their body, struggling to sleep or wondering why they suddenly feel so disconnected from the world around them.

I've also worked with clients who have come to grief counselling after experiencing physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, chest tightness or dizziness. They've spoken with their GP, had the appropriate medical checks and been reassured that there are no underlying physical concerns. Sometimes, the next part of understanding what's happening involves looking at the emotional and psychological impact of what they've been through.

Grief can place considerable demands on us, physically and emotionally. And when we're struggling to process a loss, those experiences can show up in ways we might never have associated with grief.

Here are some of the experiences that can accompany grief, including a few that people are sometimes surprised to discover are recognised in bereavement research.

1. Cognitive symptoms: when your brain doesn't feel quite like your own

One thing people often mention is how difficult it becomes to think clearly after a loss.

You might notice:

Brain fog or feeling mentally sluggish
Forgetfulness and losing track of things
Difficulty concentrating or following conversations
Struggling to make decisions, even simple ones
Reading something several times without taking it in
Replaying memories, conversations or events
Finding it difficult to organise your thoughts

You might walk into a room and forget why you're there, lose your train of thought mid-sentence or find yourself struggling with tasks that would usually feel straightforward.

If you've always considered yourself organised, capable or someone who can juggle a lot, these changes can be particularly frustrating.

2. Physical symptoms: when grief is felt in the body

Grief isn't only an emotional experience. It can come with very real physical sensations, some of which can be quite alarming when you don't know what's causing them.

Some people experience:

Heart racing, pounding or fluttering
Tightness or heaviness in the chest
A lump or tight feeling in the throat
Feeling short of breath
Dizziness or light-headedness
Headaches and muscle tension
Nausea or changes in digestion
Changes in appetite
Fatigue and feeling physically depleted

These sensations can be unsettling, particularly when they appear unexpectedly or feel unfamiliar.

If you're experiencing symptoms such as heart palpitations, chest pain, breathlessness or dizziness, it's important to speak with your GP and have them appropriately assessed. Even if you're grieving or going through a particularly stressful time, it's important to rule out possible physical causes.

For some people, once medical concerns have been investigated and their GP has provided reassurance, it can be helpful to explore the emotional and psychological side of what they're experiencing.

Counselling can provide an opportunity to make sense of how grief is affecting you, process the loss and develop ways to manage the emotional and physical impact of it.

3. Emotional symptoms: more than sadness

Grief can bring a surprisingly wide range of emotions. Some may be familiar, while others can feel uncomfortable or even difficult to admit.

You might experience:

Anxiety or feeling constantly on edge
Irritability or a shorter temper
Anger, frustration or resentment
Guilt, regret or repeatedly questioning what happened
Unexpected waves of sadness
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
Feeling overwhelmed by emotions that seem to come out of nowhere
Relief, sometimes accompanied by guilt

There can be moments when you feel relatively okay, followed by an unexpected wave of emotion. You might also find yourself reacting more strongly to everyday frustrations or situations that wouldn't usually bother you.

And sometimes, the emotions that come with grief aren't the ones we expect. Feeling angry, relieved or even strangely numb can leave people questioning their own reactions.

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4. Sleep and energy changes

Grief can affect sleep and energy in different ways. For some people, their mind seems to become particularly active at night. For others, exhaustion is there from the moment they wake up.

You might notice:

Difficulty falling asleep
Waking frequently through the night
Waking very early
Sleeping more than usual
Vivid dreams or nightmares
Feeling exhausted even after a full night's sleep
Having very little energy for everyday responsibilities

5. Sensory experiences and feeling the presence of someone who has died

This is an experience that people can feel particularly unsure about talking about.

Some bereaved people report:

Feeling as though the person who died is nearby
Briefly hearing their voice or familiar sounds
Catching a familiar smell associated with them
Briefly seeing them or noticing what seems like a glimpse of them
Feeling a familiar touch or sensation

These experiences have been recognised in grief research and, while they can sometimes feel surprising or unsettling, they can be a part of the grieving experience.

People make sense of these experiences in different ways, influenced by their relationship with the person, their beliefs and their own circumstances.

6. Memories, reminders and flashbacks

Memories can become particularly intrusive after a loss, especially when the death was sudden, distressing or traumatic.

You might notice:

Unwanted images or memories that keep returning
Replaying the circumstances surrounding the death
Strong reactions to particular dates, places, sounds or reminders
Avoiding situations that bring back memories
Feeling suddenly transported back to a particular moment

Some people also experience flashbacks, where aspects of a traumatic event feel as though they are happening again. These experiences are worth discussing with a counsellor or other mental health professional, particularly if they are distressing or affecting everyday life.

7. Feeling disconnected from yourself or the world

Alongside emotional numbness, some people describe a more pronounced sense of disconnection.

This might include:

Feeling detached from yourself
Feeling as though you're watching yourself from the outside
The world seeming unreal, distant or dreamlike
Going through the motions without feeling fully present
Feeling disconnected from other people or your surroundings

These experiences can occur in the context of overwhelming stress or trauma. They deserve attention, particularly if they are persistent, frightening or interfering with daily life.

8. Changes in behaviour and everyday routines

Grief can affect how you manage ordinary life and how much you feel able to participate in it.

You might find yourself:

Withdrawing from friends or social activities
Struggling to maintain familiar routines
Feeling restless or unable to settle
Keeping constantly busy
Losing interest in things you previously enjoyed
Finding work, parenting or everyday responsibilities harder to manage

Sometimes the changes are obvious. Other times, you might be keeping everything going on the outside while finding it takes considerably more effort than it used to.

9. A different experience of time

This one can be particularly difficult to explain, but some people describe time feeling very different after a significant loss.

Days can seem to drag, weeks can blur together, and it can feel as though life has stopped while everything around you continues. You might find yourself mentally returning to the time before the death or struggling to picture what the future looks like.

Research exploring bereavement has described these disrupted experiences of time, although they won't be part of everyone's experience.

Grief doesn't look the same for everyone

You may recognise several of these experiences. You may recognise only one or two. Some may be more noticeable in the early weeks and months, while others may come and go or become more apparent at different points.

I think it's important that people have access to information like this, particularly when they're experiencing something they weren't expecting and don't know whether it's connected to their grief.

Recognising a possible grief response can be reassuring, but it doesn't mean every symptom should automatically be attributed to grief. If you're experiencing new or concerning physical symptoms, it's important to seek medical advice.

And if you're finding the emotional, cognitive or everyday impact of grief difficult to manage, talking with a grief counsellor can give you somewhere to explore what's happening, process the loss and make sense of your experience.

Sometimes, simply discovering that an experience you've been worrying about is something other people have reported in grief can make it feel a little less bewildering.