Breaking free from the “What-Ifs”: Overthinking, Anxiety, and the art of being gentle with yourself
- The Counselling Cove
- 5 days ago
- 2 min read
Have you ever caught yourself spiraling into a “what-if” storm? You know the one - your mind racing through countless possibilities, most unlikely, but somehow still feeling urgent and real. If so, you’re not alone. Anxiety often thrives on “what-ifs,” leaving us exhausted, stuck, and disconnected from the present moment.
The first thing I want to say is this: it’s okay. What you’re experiencing is human. Your brain is designed to anticipate danger, to plan for the future - but sometimes it overshoots. And that’s where self-compassion comes in.
1. Notice Without Judgement
Start by simply observing your thoughts. When a “what-if” pops up, try noticing it without trying to push it away. You might say to yourself, “Ah, there’s my mind worrying again. Thank you, Mind, for trying to be helpful.” It sounds small, but giving yourself permission to feel anxious without beating yourself up is powerful.
2. Name the Pattern
Sometimes, just putting a name to your habit can help you step back from it. “This is overthinking,” or “This is my anxiety talking,” can create a little space between you and the thoughts. Sometimes clients and I even give the worrying mind a character name to help add extra space - "Thank you Joan for your concern, but perhaps not right now". Space can be freedom.
3. Gentle Grounding Techniques
Bring your focus back to the here and now. It could be a slow breath, feeling your feet on the floor, or noticing five things you can see around you. Grounding doesn’t erase anxiety, but it reminds you that you are safe right now. It draws you back to the present so you can make decisions based on what’s happening now, not on a worst-case scenario.
4. Self-Compassionate Dialogue
Imagine you’re talking to a close friend in the same situation. What would you say to them? Now try saying it to yourself. Simple phrases like, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough,” can counter the harsh “what-if” chatter.
5. When the “What-Ifs” Feel Overwhelming
Sometimes, these patterns are deeply ingrained, and it’s hard to break them alone. That’s where counselling can be a gentle and empowering guide. Together, we can explore your thought patterns, uncover the roots of anxiety, and develop strategies that feel realistic and kind - not forcing you to “fix” yourself overnight.
Each time you notice a “what-if” without judgment, you’re moving toward freedom - and you don’t have to do it alone. Counselling can provide guidance, support, and gentle tools to help you along the way.
