Before the Goodbye: A compassionate guide to Anticipatory Grief

Even as everything changes, love finds a way to stay.

Anticipatory grief is the ache we feel in the lead-up to a loss. It often arises when we’re facing the expected death of someone we love - or even coming to terms with our own mortality - but it can also emerge during other significant life transitions, like the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or saying goodbye to a place that once felt like home. It’s the quiet, unfolding grief that begins while everything is still technically “intact.” And sitting in that space - where something is both here and slipping away - can be deeply confusing, lonely, and overwhelming.

Although it’s not always spoken about, anticipatory grief can be just as intense, and sometimes even more disorienting, than grief after a loss. Many people describe feeling suspended between two realities: one foot in what was, the other in what’s to come. You may feel like you're already grieving something that hasn’t yet happened, all while being expected to stay present, strong, or “make the most of the time left.” That push and pull can be incredibly heavy to hold.

There can be moments of closeness, tenderness, and even beauty - but they’re often accompanied by sadness, exhaustion, and emotional tension. Many people describe the pressure to savour precious time, while also struggling to simply stay afloat. Your thoughts may be racing, sleep disrupted, or your body quietly bearing the stress through fatigue, worry, or difficulty concentrating.

You might also feel the urge to withdraw - to retreat from the world under the weight of it all. This is a completely natural response. And yet, that instinct to isolate can sometimes deepen the sense of loneliness, especially when those around you don’t quite understand what you're carrying.

For those supporting someone who is seriously or terminally ill, anticipatory grief often carries additional layers. You may find your role shifting - from daughter to caregiver, from spouse to nurse - and these changes, while full of love, can also feel disorienting and heavy. So much energy may be poured into caring for your loved one that you begin to lose touch with your own needs, identity, and sense of self.

There is no perfect way to move through this. No “right” way to grieve what hasn’t yet been fully lost. But if you’re feeling the weight of it, you don’t have to carry it alone.

If you’re finding this time hard to navigate, know that there is support available. Jemima offers gentle, grounded grief counselling for those navigating anticipatory grief - a space where all of your feelings, thoughts, fears, and hopes are welcome and held with care.

In our work together, we can:

• Create space to gently explore and make sense of what you're feeling

• Support the balance between emotional overwhelm and day-to-day responsibilities

• Explore ways to care for yourself while you're caring for others

• Navigate relationship challenges or conflict that can arise under pressure

• Find moments of meaning, connection, and clarity - even in the uncertainty

• Support the creation of heartfelt keepsakes - like letters, voice recordings, or written memories - that can bring comfort and connection long after the loss

  
  

Grief isn’t something that needs to be fixed. It doesn’t ask to be “treated.” It simply asks to be witnessed. To be held. And in being gently seen, our sorrow can sometimes soften - even just a little.